I do not want a hug

Erin the hedgehog was sad 

“cheer up” , said Felipe Weasel, “it might never happen”. Felipe tried to hug Erin

“I DO NOT WANT A HUG” said Erin, and carried on walking 

“Turn that frown upside-down” said Otto the (bat-eared) fox. “Come play in the leaves with me”

“I DO NOT WANT TO PLAY IN THE LEAVES” said Erin, and carried on walking 

“You just need to think positive” said Suri the Meerkat “stand proud and look at the world”

“I DO NOT WANT TO STAND PROUD” said Erin, and carried on walking 

“eat some of these hazelnuts and you’ll feel better” said Scurry the Squirrel 

“I DO NOT WANT TO EAT HAZELNUTS” said Erin, and carried on walking 

Ereth the Porcupine Sat still, on a log. She looked at Erin, and then looked at the space next to her on the log, and then looked back at Erin.

“AREN’T YOU GOING TO TELL ME TO CHEER UP?” asked Erin

“no,” said Ereth

“WELL THEN AREN’T YOU GOING TO TELL ME TO STAND PROUD?”

“no,” said Ereth

“WELL THEN AREN’T YOU GOING TO TELL ME TO PLAY IN THE LEAVES?”

“no”, said Ereth 

Erin was so used to being angry and spiky that she didn’t know how to react.

“if you like,” said Ereth, “I’ll help you get that thorn out of your paw”

Erin realised that the thorn had been there all along, and that was why she was so grumpy. When Ereth pulled it out, she felt better, and a also a little silly for being angry with her friends. 

They had tried to help, but because it wasn’t the help she needed, she had been mean to them.

“thank you, Ereth”, said Erin. I didn’t mean to be mean, I was just hurting. Would you wait for me while I go say sorry to my friends?

“I will”, said Ereth, “And when you get back, if you like, you can sit on my log with me”

Erin went to see Felipe, and gave him a hug.

Then she went to see Otto, and chased him through the leaves

Then she went to see Suri, and they both stood as tall as they could and watched the sun set

Then she went to see Scurry, and picked up some hazel nuts on the way, which they shared.

When she got back to Ereth, there was a little fire going, in front of the log. 

“If you like,” Said Ereth “you can have a hug” 

“I would like a hug!”, said Erin.

She carefully tucked away her spikes, and cuddled up to Ereth. 

Dealing with unwarranted aggression

Being a particularly sensitive (oftentimes hypersensitive) being, this is a quandary which I have spent a great deal of time thinking about, because no matter how much you prepare yourself for an encounter with this kind of dickholery, the way that you respond to it comes from the fight-or-flight instinct, and it kicks in before you get a say in the matter. 

So the first step, for me, was acknowledging that in this scenario  it's reaction rather than action that you have control over. You can't stop someone being a dick, but you can condition your reaction to be less damaging to your mental health. The key word being condition - choosing a strategy and then consciously reminding yourself of it until the strategy becomes instinct. 

I think that people who are consistently tools spend the majority of their lives in fight-or-flight, because they are emotionally underdeveloped - they live in constant fear of not being the alpha, without ever realising it. They don't have the intellectual or emotional experience to conceive that their actions affect others because their permanent state of fear prevents them thinking about anything but their own survival. Once you can recognise and acknowledge that, it's a small step to actually pitying them. They are, in essence, a frightened animal. A dog that bites you because its life thus far makes it think you are going to beat it rather than pet it, will calm down only when it sees you aren't a threat. 

So make allowances for it. Instinct pushes us to think "why should I? Why should I go easy on them when they are such a dick?". The answer is simple, though hard to digest: you should because no one else ever has. You should because when they see you aren't a threat they have a chance of emerging from fight-or-flight and seeing things rationally. Assess the situation and find a way to make *their* life easier and you will find that, with very few exceptions, making *your* life easier is a happy by-product. And as a bonus, you leave the encounter with the feeling that you may just have helped someone who has never actually seen compassion, rather than feeling you've just gone ten rounds with Tyson